A Mary Sue of another Kind
by Agent Motiel
Summary: Something is about to happen that will change everything we've come to know about Mary Sues. Gimli is about to get the suprise of his life! I guess you could call it a twoshot, but that's kind of stupid...
1. Chapter 1

**_First, there was the Legolas Mary-Sue. Then there were the Aragorn, Frodo, Haldir, Faramir, Pippin, Boromir, Eomer, and even Elrond Mary-Sues. But there is one who never fell to the power of the ultimate evil. Now, something that has never happened before, something that could twist everything that anyone ever believed in, is about to happen. Gimli is about tobe Mary-Sued._**

A Mary-Sue of another Kind

Gimli was exausted. He didn't know how Legolas could take it. He had just fought off another one of those awful Mary-Sue creatures that had tried to attack the poor elf. It all started in Rivendell when a girl had snuck into the council and joined them in the fellowship. Then another girl appeared on the journey and the two killed each other over Legolas. Literally. After that, the girls began to multiply, and soon they were all on their guard to protect Legolas from the foul creatures. One had even tried to seduce him in his tent one night before his elven reflexes kicked in and he sliced her in two. He was shocked at killing a lady, but after a while it was his only way to rid himself of them. Stupid Sues with their color changing eyes, anorexic body, and tragic past...

"It's alright now, laddie. You can come out," Gimli called. Legolas snuck out from the tree he was hiding in and quickly scanned the area. Seeing that it was now safe, he walked foward to the dwarf.

"That one was bad, especially since I left my weapons in my room," he whispered.

"Yeah. I've only seen one other Sue fly before, and that was to catch Aragorn before he fell off that cliff in Rohan."

The dwarf finally led the shaking elf back to Thranduil's palace to get some sleep. His father was waiting for him outside of the gates with the healers ready. The Sues never failed to come while his son was wandering in the forest.

After Legolas was safely inside, Gimli decided that he would take a walk through the now peaceful Mirkwood. So he began to journey through the forest, unaware to the danger that lie in wait for him.

* * *

"Gimli's been gone for a long time," Legolas thought as he peered out the window, "Maybe I should go look for..." 

His thoughts were interuppted when Gimli burst through the doors and locked them, panting heavily.

"What's wrong? You haven't breathed this heavily since our journey to Rohan!" the elf laughed.

"She's after me!" he cried, "Must escape!"

"Who?" But before the dwarf could answer, something began to bang at the door. Gimli let out a high-pitched scream and hid under the bed. Legolas stepped foward and looked through the keyhole.

"It's another Sue! Hide!" he screamed. But the girl broke down the door before he could escape. Legolas reached for his knives, but the Sue wasn't after him. She immedietly tipped the bed over and found Gimli hiding beneath it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I LOVE YOU GIMLI-POO!" she squealed while crushing the dwarf in her arms.

"Save me laddie!" he cried. But before the elf could shoot, the Sue turned around and hissed at him! Legolas dropped the bow onto the ground.

"I won't let the mean elf hurt my Gimmy! No I won't!" the girl cooed.

"Will you at least get off of me? I can't breathe!"

The girl dropped him. Hard. He stood back up and rubbed his sore backside.

"Soooo... what do we do now?" Legolas asked.

"STARE AT GIMMY!" the girl shouted.

"What is your name, by the way?" Gimli asked.

"Sidda Zirak! My family abandoned me when I was a baby and a man found me on the streets. Now I am abused severly by my foster parents."

The two males looked at each other for a brief moment.

"She's a Sue alright," they said unanimously.

* * *

_**So, what do you think? Should I keep writing? I think it's a good way to bash Mary-Sues. Review please so I can know if I should contintue!**_


	2. Chapter 2

A Mary-Sue of another Kind

"Soooo... what now?" Gimli asked. He and Legolas were walking through Mirkwood with Sidda hovering closely behind them. They were trying to figure out ways to get rid of her.

"I don't know. The last time a dwarf strolled into these woods besides you was when Bilbo..." Suddenly, Legolas's face lit up.

"I have an idea. But we have to go farther south. Do you have your axe?" Gimli nodded.

"Good. You're going to need it where we're going."

* * *

"Guys? Where did you go off to?" Sidda called. The two companians were actually hiding in a distant tree. They could still see her, but she couldn't see them. Then, just as planned, a spider crawled down from its web and faced the girl. 

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! A GIANT SPIDER! SAVE ME GIMLI!" she screeched. But he stayed in the tree with Legolas. Just as the spider approached Sidda, an arrow whistled through the air and pierced its belly. It was dead before it hit the ground.

"I heard the scream. Are you alright?" a figure said. When he stepped out of the shadows, all three recognized him as... Aragorn! Legolas and Gimli jumped out of the tree to face their friend.

"What are you doing here in Mirkwood?" Legolas asked.

"I'm on vacation! I haven't been on a hunting trip since I became king of Gondor, and I needed a break from the nagging wife and kids." Aragorn rubbed his forehead in frustration.

"Um... may we speak to you for a moment?" Gimli asked. The man nodded and they stood behind a tree to talk.

"We're trying to get rid of her! It's one of those darn Mary-Sues!" the dwarf exclaimed. Aragorn nodded again. He understood how dangerous those creatures could be.

"Tell me, did you happen to see any orcs as you passed by Dul Guldor?" Legolas inquired.

"Yeah, there were about twenty camping right about..." but he didn't get the chance to finish. The elf and dwarf both dashed to the girl and began to head south.

* * *

"Where are we going?" Sidda asked. They didn't answer. After a long while, they came to a clearing where the orcs were camping. Legolas 'accedintaly' snapped a rather large twig, and they all turned in the company's direction. They had been found. 

Sidda screamed like the little girl she was as the other two jumped out to fight. Unfortunatly, an orc spotted her behind the tree and chased her around the clearing. Legolas and Gimli continued to kill, but they kept just enough alive to where they could get the girl. A high-pitched scream in her direction verified their hopes, and they finally killed the remaining orcs.

They walked over to the direction of the scream and saw an orc hovering over Sidda. Legolas shot the last of the enemy with an arrow. Gimli looked up at him.

"Well, she's still not dead."

"I think I can fix that," Legolas purred.

* * *

A few hours later, the elf heaved Sidda into the black waters. They watched as she floated down the river and out of sight.

"What did you do?" Gimli asked.

"That river's waters make her fall into a deep sleep. So she'll drown before waking up. And if she does make it down the river, she won't wake up until she's too far away."

Gimli looked at Legolas, then at the river. Then he jumped up and down, yelling and hollering the entire time. He was free at last!


End file.
